Fun
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Horoscope
First thing -- every single morning -- one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horoscope aloud. "Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?" "Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we Capricorns are."
Humjayega - Losing weight
The doctor told Hum Jayega that if he ran 8 kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Hum Jayega called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
Chicken Little
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
Right Turn!
A Sardarji bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office. On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down. Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, 'How much should I pay to turn right?' The Policeman was astonished and asked, 'Why are you asking like this?' Then Sardarji showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: 'Free Left Turn'.
Humjayega - Blood Test
Hum Jayega and a man were sitting outside a clinic. The man was crying like anything. So Hum Jayega asked, "Why are you crying?" The man replied, "I came here for blood test" Hum Jayega asked," So? Are you afraid?" The man replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this Hum Jayega started crying. The man was astonished and asked Hum Jayega, "Why are you crying?" Hum Jayega replied, "I have come for my urine test."
Funny Lines
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Mind Reader
Be ready! Click here to see the magic of brain-reading...